Are You in the Box?

You may be wondering what “the box” is. I guarantee you have been in it many times in your life. We have all been “in the box” from time to time. “The box” refers to the box of “self-deception”, according to the Arbinger Institute.

Let’s step back a moment. Mind you, our brains are great sorting machines. As a survival technique, we strive to make sense of the world and the people around us. We are biologically wired to sort. We make mistakes. Our sorting is often only based on our own lived experience and we all carry bias. If you are interested in more information about this, I highly recommend exploring the work of Dr. Mahzarin Benaji.

Back to the box… The Arbinger Institute describes the box as being stuck in a state of self-deception. I describe this as being stuck on our inaccurate perceptions about people or circumstances. For more information, check out the book “Leadership and Self Deception: Getting out of the Box”. I also love this short (less than 4-minute video) Leadership & Self Deception by the Arbinger Institute.

What is important to know about “the box” is that it gets in our way of productivity and workplace engagement. In fact, it can slowly deteriorate employee engagement, workplace communication, and overall morale. 

For example, consider “Employee A” who is much more oriented toward achieving things and getting things done so they can cross tasks off the list and complete projects. Employee A works with Employee B on a team. Employee B is much more oriented toward thinking things through and managing the risk. In meetings, Employee B may not be the first voice in the conversation. In fact, they may observe what is said and take notes. Employee B may need to take more time to process what needs to be done. 

Lately, Employee A has felt like Employee B isn’t pulling their weight. They perceive they are not committed to the work because they don’t speak up in meetings. The start of a new destructive narrative has begun. 

“A” mentions their concerns to Employee C and D. Soon several people are frustrated with Employee B. They begin keeping information from “B”. “B” starts to notice that less communication is coming their way and doesn’t feel they have the information needed to make decisions on the project. B is no longer invited to all of the project meetings. And so it goes… 

An important question we might ask at this point is “What value do Employees A and B bring to the project or the team?”. 

According to CliftonStrengths, we all need one another. Not one way of being is better than another. We need all styles to make a successful team. Acknowledging the different ways each person contributes is paramount. Creating space at the table for all styles is equally important. 

What I love about the CliftonStrengths language is that it bridges differences. The 34 Talent Themes provide a lens through which we can understand people more easily. CliftonStrengths neutral language can begin to remove barriers and quell assumptions as we appreciate how others do what they do.

Back to the box. How do we get out of the box you ask? We must first apologize. We must first own our false assumptions and narratives and take steps to repair them. 

How do we keep from getting into the box? We remain curious and open about people and how they show up in the world. We ask clarifying questions. We make space at the table for all styles. 

In fact, you might even consider building a strengths-based community in your organization.